Happy new year?

There is as much sense in posting my thoughts for no one to read as there is writing about how much lack of sense there is in doing so.

And so I have done both.

Quick news:  killed my pc, saved all data, reinstalled windows and everything is fresh.

Will get my 1.8m x 1.2m canvas for painting tomorrow and will be able to start my diploma painting.

aaand I've started to doubt my existence as I ether enjoy everything too much or I don't find anything interesting in life at all as all my memories fade away extremely fast and I can't be sure of the conversations I've had even in the last week or even days....  so is that depression or just life?

I could really just go on about everything that is on my mind because there are as many people reading this as there would be if I wrote this in notepad and then deleted the file.......

text text text... am I really living here or is everything a dream..ir is this all reality just a quick reflection of the universe expanding.....

Do what you like, don't think of the thinks that you shouldn't - death isn't important, life after you and before you isn't important, the only important thing is how you spend your time right now-life as you please and just have fun <3

Merry SexMas!

And a happy and internet free year!

also I have totally forgotten who made this ^, so in case you know the author plz link, k'thx

Sleep-less

I feel like I have a huge ball of time, filled with sand, in my hands.
And it feels like it is slipping away from my grip, slowly, then faster - until it drops.
And just right at the moment it hits the ground I feel a huge shock in my heart, as if my heart had stopped and restarted to to beat.  And right as my eyes open wide and I grasp for breath I realize... this ball, it still is in my hands.

And so I keep looking at it, until it starts to slip, and everything starts again. . .


I guess this is like a reminder of my inner mortality. It reminds me that i shouldn't be afraid of the time left for me, but I shouldn't just waste it away too... a constant feeling of fading life, and the struggle  for breath.





Maybe that's what death really is, its life, only we can't see it as that.
Since I remember myself I have always been afraid of going to sleep, because i worried -  what if the person who is alive now, the person I identify as myself is only alive now, this moment, this short day? And what if as I fall asleep I die, and a new version my my old memories and feelings are copied and made new? Will that still be me, or do I die right now and here and only a clone of me, a perfect copy lives on?

Live to die, die to live again, live again to die once more . . . ?






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This journal is also found @ my deviant profile: http://lordmagtheridon.deviantart.com/

L . I . F . E .

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So why am I not . . . ?









Just a little thought for the people who are like me -people who know what they have to do ,when and even why...but no matter what happens we still try to avoid doing these things and we sink into nothingness,
and thus we try to occupy out minds with anything we can find...

My first time o ////w/////o

My first time - in blogger.

So in case you thought you'd get to read some other kind of "first time" stories them I guess I'll have to disappoint umm.. you guys? ...

This is the part where I feel awkward because I don't know how to address my readers.. *cough* well .. I don't have any readers, but in case some one might find this place.- YOU! YES YOU! Your name for this article will be Little Johny!  

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So how am I doing so far? >__> hope not failing miserably, anyway :

As it turned out I already had a blogger account: "On Blogger Since June 2010"..would that mean I got one because I made a gmail account?  o    n   o     ....

Ugh, if so google sure did found a smart way how to add new blogger counts to there site, but I guess this a good chance to start my blog, because I've always wanted to make one, just didn't know what to put IN IT. 

But who cares, I'm sure that I'll figure that out eventually.

Hmm, so Little Johny what was your reason for joining blogger or any other blog-publishing sites? 

don't worry I'll add cuter things in my future posts

So I guess this will work as a test post, in later ones (whenever they might come) I will (most likely) introduce myself properly.. its just that this (for now) one sided talking seems odd to me ..